Kenny x Cartman - Four Seasons
by the-coronach
Summary: For my debut fanfiction, I chose Kenny x Cartman because it's one of the most adorable ships on the face of the earth and no one can tell me otherwise. I've wrote four chapters: one for each season. A whole year of Kenman. I do hope someone reads and enjoys this! I really enjoyed writing it! I bumped the rating up to T for cursing and some minor suggestiveness.
1. Chapter 1, Chocolate

**Chapter 1, Chocolate**

Every single year it was the same. Stores would start gracing their windows, doors, and interiors with lovely pink and red foil hearts not two weeks into January, and residents of South Park would be murmuring amongst themselves about the event wherever you went. Eric Cartman would be sulking in his room.

Valentine's Day was Cartman's least favorite holiday for a number of various reasons, the most predominant being that he never had a valentine. While nearly everyone else in town had a significant other to drown in sickening affection on this insufferable holiday, he was always left alone. It was as if he were on the outside looking in from behind a stained glass.

Hunched over on his bed, the chubby young male huffed and crossed his arms, staring up at a Mel Gibson poster that hung on his wall. "What would you do if you were a little boy so awesome you couldn't get a date because all the other kids couldn't handle you, Mel Gibson?"

Of course, there was no reply. Light streaming through Cartman's window glared off the poster's slick material. Cartman scowled as his gaze dropped. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. Suddenly, he paused, and a realization hit him. There was more to Valentine's Day than just love, right? Valentine's Day was also about chocolate. Tradtitionally, of course, lovers would buy chocolate for one another as a symbol of affection, but Cartman saw no reason he couldn't just go out and buy chocolate for himself as a symbol of self-indulgence.

His scowl having been exchanged for a slight smirk, Cartman got dressed, found a few dollars for chocolate money, and walked downstairs. "Mom! I'm goin' out!" he yelled as he grabbed his blue and yellow knit toboggan on his way out.

It was a fair distance to walk to the convenience store. _Not really very convenient,_ Cartman thought to himself with some contempt. By the time the heavyset boy reached the store, he was panting heavily and ready to sink to the sidewalk then and there. He settled for leaning against the wall at first. Once he had caught his breath, he entered the store, bells ringing as the door swang.

It was clear that the Valentine's Day spirit was running rampant there. Streamers hung from the ceiling and shiny, heart-shaped balloons were everywhere. Cartman cringed and made a beeline for the candy section, where he proceeded to hoard different kinds of chocolate bars. Once he had gotten all he needed-or all he thought he needed-he headed to the check-out.

As he walked out of the store, Cartman bit a large chunk out of one of his chocolate bars and began walking back down the street. It wasn't long before he spied someone he knew. Kenny. The smaller boy in the orange parka was sitting slouched on a bench, watching things happening around him. Cartman felt it was safe to assume he was mostly just watching the ladies walking past him.

Sitting down next to Kenny, Cartman ate the last bit of his first chocolate bar in one enormous bite. "Sup Ken?"

Kenny glanced at Cartman and smiled a little underneath his hood. Cartman's lips and the area around them were coated in chocolate. It was cute; as if he were a small child. "(Hey Cartman!)"

"Yeah, I totally just bought like a dozen chocolate bars at the store right over there," Cartman said in a slightly smug tone as he jerked his head in the direction of the store. "No big deal."

Furrowing his eyebrows, Kenny huffed and looked away. It was just like Cartman to brag about being able to buy a dozen chocolates and just sit there and eat them in front of him.

As he ate his second chocolate bar, Cartman made no efforts to be subtle about it. He was messy, and made unneccessary noises. "Mm," he hummed, tossing the wrapper into the road. "That is some good chocolate."

Kenny just rolled his eyes.

Cartman frowned a little. Was he being ignored? Cartman couldn't stand being ignored. He poked Kenny. "Hay Keeenny?" When that didn't work, he frowned more and poked him again. Having a burst of generousity all of a sudden and feeling kind of bad for upsetting his friend, he inquired, "Kenny, you want some chocolate?"

Kenny turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow before taking off his hood. "Yeah I want some chocolate. Gimme some."

Cartman handed him a chocolate bar and sat back, watching him eat it for a few moments. "You know," he commented. "Usually people in relationships give each other chocolate on Valentine's Day..."

"Yeah," acknowledged Kenny. "Too bad I don't got anybody to give me chocolates on Valentine's. Well, except you I guess since you just gave me one."

"But we're not in a relationship, dude."

Kenny paused eating his chocolate and looked back over at Cartman again, grinning a little. "We can change that if you like," he suggested in a flirty tone.

Immediately, Cartman flustered, his face lighting up. "Y-You douchebag, that'd be gay. You only want me for my chocolate."

Finishing his own chocolate, Kenny sat the wrapper down and moved in a little closer to Cartman. "I'm bisexual, you know," he told him, hot breath tickling Cartman's ear. "No, not just for your chocolate... I bet you'd be great to cuddle with," he said, sliding his arm around the other boy's shoulders and giving a small squeeze. "You're soft."

Cartman spluttered, his face now a darker red than his jacket. He wasn't use to this kind of physical contact and he didn't know whether he liked it or not. Also, he hated to admit it to himself, but Kenny was pretty hot. "That's- sthplth- I'm not soft-!" It was a pretty weak defense, so he threw in a "Fuck you!" for good measure.

"Come on Cartman, you like me, dontcha?" said Kenny with a grin, leaning in just enough so his lips were just inches away from Cartman's. "You want me, admit it."

Going crosseyed for a moment, Cartman blinked and frowned. "Ye- Nu- I don-" he sighed. "...Ok..."

Kenny's grin widened and he snatched up the opportunity to capture Cartman's lips in a kiss, licking what chocolate was left off of them before pulling away and getting up off the bench. He dusted himself off and glanced behind him at the completely red, wide-eyed Cartman. "Happy Valentine's Day, Cartman," he said with a smirk before putting his hood back on and walking off down the street.


	2. Chapter 2, Popsicles

**Chapter 2, Popsicles**

Blistering heat ravaged the small town of South Park. Everyone had been saying there hadn't been this hot a summer in ages. That was all well and good for Eric Cartman; he knew how to stay cool.

It was a combination of fans, shade, cold drinks, and popsicles. It worked pretty well; a little too well in fact. Cartman shivered a little, wishing his no good, dirt poor boyfriend was around to warm him back up. Of course, he could have just gotten up and moved out of the shade of his back porch, but that would require effort.

He had been dating Kenny since their first encounter last Valentine's Day. It was pretty cliche, except for the obvious fact that this was a gay relationship. Both of them-Cartman mostly-had endured ample teasing from the other boys, to which Cartman usually just replied with, "Fuck you, douchbags!". It was ironic, really. Before, Cartman had always been the one to do the teasing. Looked like now it was coming back to bite him in the ass.

But honestly, the chubby boy didn't really care all that much. He had accepted, reluctantly at first, that he loved Kenny. And Kenny loved him. About half the girls at school would squeal when they saw them together, and it was rare they weren't together. Cartman would always just roll his eyes, scowl, blush, and look away, sometimes mumbling a "Fuck you, hoes!". Stupid girls. Wendy was supportive, though, and didn't have a fangirl complex, so that was good at least.

Cartman mused over all this as he sucked a blue popsicle. Some of the juice from it had dripped on his bare chest and onto his shorts, but it didn't matter. He wasn't planning on going anywhere or seeing anyone today...

"Hey Eric!"

Well. There went those plans. Cartman knew immediately who it was. He recognized the voice; Kenny was the only non-adult allowed to call him Eric. He took the popsicle out of his mouth and looked over his boyfriend. Kenny was wearing an offwhite, stained tanktop with holes in it and cut-off shorts. No shoes. A pair of cheap sunglasses sat on top his head. Damn if he wasn't hot, even with clothes that looked like he got them out of a dumpster.

"Hi Kenny," replied Cartman as he stuck the popsicle back in his mouth. "What brings you 'round?"

Kenny sat down behind him and wrapped his arms around his belly, setting his chin on his shoulder. "Can't I just spend time with my big guy or do I need a reason?"

Cartman scowled and blushed, looking down at Kenny's tan, lean, lightly muscled arms. "I'm not your 'big guy', douchebag..."

Kenny chuckled and nuzzled into his neck. "What, would you rather me call you my little guy?"

"No, but you know I'm sensitive about my weight so just don't even start that shit."

"I know, I'm sorry," said Kenny with a sigh as he laid his head on Cartman's shoulder, just watching him as he sucked his popsicle. Kenny smirked. He could think of another popsicle he'd like to get sucked.

Cartman didn't notice at first; he was absorbed in his popsicle. He licked up its sides and around the top before biting the top off. His lips stained blue, he glanced at Kenny. "The hell are you grinning about Ken?" he demanded as he hesitantly licked his frozen treat again. Kenny didn't even have to respond; within a few minutes, Cartman's eyes widened. He had figured it out on his own. "Jesus fucking Christ Kenny you filthy little perv!"

Kenny shrugged, not even phased by the accusation. "Guilty as charged."


	3. Chapter 3, Pumpkin Pie

**Chapter 3, Pumpkin Pie**

Autumn had finally come again. It was Thanksgiving Day evening. Leaves gently cascaded from the sky, dancing across the blacktop gracefully with a crisp gust of breeze as they had done for centuries. The sleepy sun that hung over South Park was descending, accenting the clouds with a gold and magenta feast for the eyes.

Eric Cartman stared out his bedroom window blankly. So much had already happened over the course of the year... So much had changed. If you had suggested to the plump, chestnut-haired boy a year before that a certain skinny, penniless blonde would worm his way into his heart, he would have laughed in your face.

Kenny meant everything to Cartman by this point, even if he was still too stubborn to admit so properly. The last few months had been magical; they had found out so much about one another, both good things and bad, and had become all the more closer for it.

The fact remained that the two were gay. By this point, everyone had more or less begun to accept their relationship. At first, there had been plenty of teasing, and Mrs. Cartman had even reluctantly sent her son to therapy due to the suggestions and murmurings of South Park's more conservative residents.

Cartman's impression of the therapist was not a good one. She had tried to pry into his mind and twist his thoughts around so as to turn him against his beloved boyfriend. After about ten or so minutes of this, the unphased Cartman screamed at the therapist, calling her a 'rachet, penguin shit-eating skank', and storming out of her office. No one ever attempted to bring him back to therapy after that.

He had met up with Kenny the next day. Cartman could remember their conversation perfectly...

_"K-K-Keeenny," Cartman blubbed, clutching the other boy's arm tightly. "Th-Therapy was horrible... Th-The bitch wanted me to leave youuu."_

_Kenny furrowed his eyebrows, letting out a muffled sigh. "(Quit being a crybaby and let go of my arm, Eric. It's gonna be ok...)"_

_"Bu-But Kenny," Cartman sniffed, looking up at him with tears in his slightly puffy brown eyes._

_Kenny shook his head, wrapping his arms around the other male and hugging him close. "(Shh, it'll be ok. Just forget about it. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.)"_

Cartman grinned sheepishly. Kenny was always there for him. Kenny always knew what to say to make him feel better, even in his worst of moods. Sure, whatever Kenny would say would usually be barely understandable, but it always helped. Suddenly, the sound of the doorbell from downstairs snapped Cartman out of his thoughts. The doorbell could only be the McCormicks; Mrs. Cartman, knowing the family's daily fair was most definitely not appropriate for this holiday of gluttony, had invited them over for Turkey Day dinner.

Cartman heard his mother letting the McCormicks in. She was saying hello, how pleased she was to have them all over... And probably dropping subtle innuendos while she was at it. It really disgusted Eric how provacative his mother was sometimes.

He could hear her telling them all to make theirselves at home.

Within a few minutes, Cartman heard a knock at his bedroom door. "Come in," he said automatically without even looking. He knew it was Kenny. It could only be Kenny.

Silently, Kenny opened the door and made his way to Cartman, hugging him from behind. "(Hey there, handsome,)" he said, burying his face in his boyfriend's soft, pudgy neck.

By this point, Cartman had, for the most part, gotten used to Kenny's coquettish touchy-feeliness, and wasn't usually too embarrassed by it as long as they were alone. And, for the moment at least, they were.

"Hey," said Cartman casually, leaning slightly into Kenny's embrace. "Glad ya could make it."

Kenny hummed. "(And how're _you_ today, Marshmallow?)"

"Hungry," was Cartman's automatic response. He snorted at the use of the pet name, feeling his face heat up. "Don't call me a marshmallow you fucking twig."

Kenny let out a muffled laugh from within his orange parka.

It was then that Mrs. Cartman appeared in the doorway, knocking softly even though it was open.

"Eric, sweetiekins, dinner's ready," she said. "You two adorable little lovebirds can come along when you're ready. Everyone else is already at the table."

With that, she left.

Cartman groaned. "I wish that bitch would stay out of our business," he muttered, more to himself rather than Kenny.

Kenny shrugged as he let go of the other boy. "(She seems like a nice enough woman... And everyone's always saying how great she is in bed-)"

Cartman glared at him. "You shut the fuck up about that, Kenny," he spat. "And calm your goddamn hormones. C'mon, let's go eat."

The two went downstairs and into the dining room. Cartman paused in the doorway to survey the guests, already sitting down at the table. There was Stuart and Carol McCormick, Kenny's alcoholic, bitchy, flea-ridden parents. There was Kenny's older brother Kevin McCormick, a taller boy with a messy face like his parents and parted brown hair. And last but not least was Karen McCormick, Kenny's little sister. She looked about to cry; her parents were arguing over how to go about dishing out the food.

Cartman sat down at the head of the table quietly, jerking his head towards an empty seat between his and Karen's for Kenny.

Kenny obediently climbed onto the chair, consoling Karen as they waited for the food to be served.

Eventually, Mrs. Cartman finished getting out the food, and she sat down. Everyone began to pile their plates up high, especially Cartman, who could barely be seen behind the enormous mountain of food on his plate.

They ate their meal in silence, with only a little light bantering between the three adults. But then, a loud, horrible gagging noise interrupted them.

Cartman looked over in shock at Kenny, who seemed to be choking on a piece of pumpkin pie. "Somebody help him! Oh god, somebody help him!" he screeched, panicking, flailing his arms, and accidentally flinging some mashed potatoes at the wall.

Stuart rushed over to his son's side, grabbing him and shaking him back and forth. "Come on, damn you!" he growled.

The other guests looked on in horror, while Cartman only facepalmed at this man's stupidity. That was definitely not how CPR worked.

Kenny stopped choking. There was a horrible stillness, utter silence, for a couple minutes. Everyone's mind was on the same thing. Was he dead? Had the pie (that bastard) killed him?

Cartman clenched his fists, tears forming in his chocolate-brown eyes. Kenny couldn't die. Not now. Not today. Sure, it was a pretty regular occurrance for Kenny to die or be killed somehow, but that didn't make it any easier to bear whenever it happened.

"No, no, no..." he whispered, hopping down off his chair and toddling over to Kenny's. He took the boy in his arms, tears splashing down on his orange parka. "I... I swear, if you're dying on me again..." he choked, holding him tight.

Kenny's eyes suddenly snapped open. He pulled off his hood, smirked, and pecked Cartman's cheek. "Hahah, gotcha~"

"...THAT WASN'T FUNNEH YOU SICK LIL FUCK!"


	4. Chapter 4, Hot Cocoa

**Chapter 4, Hot Cocoa**

White flakes were softly falling outside, blanketing the town with a glittering layer of snow in the fading twilight. It couldn't be more beautiful if the gods themselves above had handpainted a masterpiece using their heavenly brushes.

Eric Cartman, however, didn't care much for the snow. It was nasty, cold, and wet, and that was all snow was. He simply couldn't see the beauty in it. It was an annoyance to him; something he'd undoubtedly have to scrape off his driveway later unless he pressed his doting mother into doing it instead.

At the moment, Cartman was curled up in a blanket on his couch with his boyfriend. They were drinking hot cocoa and watching movies together, something they often did on snow days. Today, the special feature was Batman.

"Why does Robin dress like a little fag?" Cartman asked Kenny absently, yawning slightly as he snuggled up to him.

Kenny shrugged. "(I dunno. But Catwoman has a really fucking nice body...)"

Cartman glared up at him. These sort of comments were the norm for Kenny, but that didn't make them any less bothersome. "You _would_ think that, you dirty slut."

Their relationship was a queer one. Literally. They were, presently, the only gay couple in South park, and had been together longer than any of their straight friends. The end of this month would mark their one-year anniversary. The chemistry worked. Kenny would always be making some sort of perverted or flirtatious comment, and Cartman would always call him names. But somehow, this never drove them apart. If anything, it had only worked to make the bond stronger.

Kenny only chuckled, raising his cocoa to the spot where his mouth would be hiding and unzipping his coat just enough to get a drink. As he was doing this, however, his fingers slipped and he spilled a considerable amount of the stuff down the front of his parka.

Cartman screeched. The cocoa had barely missed him.

As it wasn't extremely hot, the spill hadn't really hurt Kenny all that much, but he still growled, looking down at his accident in disgust. "Ugh, now what am I going to do? I think some of it got through... My shirt's wet, too."

"At least you didn't get it on the blanket," said Cartman carelessly. "This is my favorite blanket. It's fuzzy."

Kenny rolled his eyes. "Hahah, funny, Eric. But no, seriously, what am I going to do? I can't just sit around your house shirtless."

"Sure you can," Cartman said. "No one's going to care. My question is why do _you_ care? I've seen you shirtless plenty of times."

"I care because I don't have any other clothes with me," Kenny sighed. "And it's winter. I'll get cold."

"Alright alright," Cartman huffed. "You sound like an old bitchy lady. C'mon, just throw your shirt and jacket in the washer. You can wear one of my shirts until they're clean."

This sounded like as good an idea as any, and so Kenny agreed, letting Cartman show him to the washer. He stripped off his coat and shirt, throwing them inside. Shivering, Kenny crossed his arms over his bare chest. He felt considerably nakeder without his top garments; not that he really cared all that much.

Cartman gaped for a moment. Sure, he'd seen Kenny shirtless plenty of times, but it was still pretty rare, and always a treat. His eyes scanned from his touseled blonde hair, freckled face and blue eyes, to his pale, thin, lightly muscled torso.

"See something you like?" Kenny smirked.

Cartman furrowed his eyebrows and frowned, blushing a little. "N-No. Fuck you," he huffed.

"You would."

"Whatever... C'mon, let's go get you a shirt before I nosebleed and pass out."


End file.
